Conventional Masculinity & Sexual Violence

In recent years, more and more experts have agreed that to prevent sexual violence we need to engage men and boys. When considering how masculinity factors into the conversation around sexual violence, it is true that many men experience sexual violence both as children and as adults, and this violence can be caused by people of any gender. It is also true that men are the most likely gender demographic to use sexual violence. To understand why that is the case, it’s helpful to start by understanding the motivations of sexual violence.

Where does sexual and domestic violence come from?

The motivations of sexual violence are rooted in power and control, coupled with a sense of entitlement. Sexual violence is not about sexual gratification, but rather about asserting control and dominance over someone in a position of vulnerability. When we as a society push people into positions of vulnerability through oppression and discrimination, we create opportunities for people who choose to cause harm. And when we as a society push people into positions of privilege, we create opportunities for them to cause harm, and have that harm normalized. When a position of privilege normalizes and celebrates power, control, and restricting emotions like empathy, this encourages the abusive attitudes and behaviours that lead to and become sexual violence.  

Is there a position of privilege in our society that normalizes and celebrates these traits?

Many forms of privilege normalize and celebrate some of these traits, like being able-bodied and able-minded (having power and control over one’s body and mind in ways society deems normal) and being wealthy (financial power and control). One form of privilege in our society that celebrates all of the above traits is masculinity, and the system that privileges men and masculinity over women, non-binary folk and femininity is called patriarchy. Patriarchy is a system that assumes men are either more capable of, or more deserving of having power and control in society than women and nonbinary folk. At the same time, patriarchy also harms men, boys, and masculine folks by mandating a social code for men and masculine folk to follow if they want to be accepted and have access to some of that power, control and privilege. Those who do education work around masculinities often talk about The Man Box, a way of illustrating the stereotypical traits society tells people men should be like, a metaphorical box that boys, men, and masculine folk are pressured to fit into.  

While many people recognize these conventional masculine traits are limiting and do not accurately describe the lives of men and masculine people, they remain the dominant story from which people of all genders in our society learn about masculinity and what it means to be a “real” man. In many contexts, some of these traits can be positive, for example being courageous, logical, or strong. But overall, living one’s whole life strictly by this code is impossible, because the Man Box is highly restrictive – it doesn’t match up with what it means to be human, and doesn’t account for the diversity so many men and masculine folks embody. But the pressure patriarchy puts on men and masculine folk to comply with these restrictive norms is strong.  

Being perceived as weak, as a failure, as too emotional or feminine often means a boy, man, or masculine person has broken the code, and fallen outside the Man Box. This can lead to negative social outcomes like a lack of respect and acceptance, bullying, and violence. Many men and masculine folk can embody some of these traits some of the time, so in order to gain safety and acceptance, this is a route many boys, men, and masculine folk try to take, whether it’s a calculated response or more of a knee-jerk reflex to the pressures and expectations from the Man Box. While this may help boys, men, and masculine folk avoid some of the harms of bullying and rejection, strong attachment to these masculine norms is increasingly being linked to higher rates of depression, self harm, and suicide.

How does conventional masculinity connect to sexual violence?

Conventional masculine traits like being strong, tough, powerful and in control make it very difficult for men to disclose experiences of sexual violence, a type of violence where one’s control is taken away. Some men feel like if they disclose, they would be admitting they failed at being strong, in control or courageous, or are worried that’s what others will think of them. As mentioned above it’s not just men, but people of all genders who are raised in a society with these norms. This leads to men and masculine folk often experiencing victim blaming in a different, gendered way than women and femme folk. Here are some examples of how victim blaming is often gendered: 

What can we do?

We can encourage men and masculine folk to support each other in moving away from harmful conventional masculine norms. Many communities of men are working towards this goal, including Next Gen Men and r/MensLib 

We can provide counselling services for men healing from sexual violence. SACE offers a men’s group (trans-inclusive) and serves male and masculine clients on an individual basis.  

Support for people of all genders