Supporting Older Adults Who Have Experienced Sexual Violence

Addressing sexual violence in the older adult community starts with acknowledging that it happens

Elder abuse is unfortunately very common: a national 2015 study suggests that 7.5% or nearly 700,000 older adults in Canada experience some form of elder abuse each year. For those working in elder care settings, or providing support to an older loved one, it can be common to hear about financial abuse, neglect, or even physical abuse of older adults. Sexual violence, on the other hand, is a pervasive issue in the older adult community that is rarely discussed. Supporting older adults who have experienced sexual violence, then, starts with acknowledging that it happens, and making space for people to recognize and talk about their experiences.

It can happen to anyone

A recent Alberta-wide survey found that 1 in 2 people experience some form of sexual abuse in their lifetime. This means that we all know someone impacted by sexual abuse, whether they’ve told us about it or not. It’s also important to consider that 1 in 3 people who took this survey reported experiencing sexual abuse before the age of 18. This shows us that, while people can and do experience sexual violence in their older adult years, it’s also common for many people, including seniors or older adults, to carry experiences of sexual abuse from their childhood, youth, and early adulthood.

Definitions

Child Sexual Abuse

The improper exposure of a child to any sexual contact, activity, or behaviour. This includes all sexual touching, the invitation to touch, exhibitionism, exposure to pornography.

Coercion

Forcing another individual, through violence, threats (physical or emotional), pressure, deception, guilt, to engage in sexual activities against their will.

Consent

A voluntary agreement between 2 or more people to engage in sexual activity. Consent must be clear, informed, voluntary, sober, act and person-specific, ongoing, mutual, active, and come directly from the individuals engaging in the sexual contact. It is impossible to get consent from children, though close-in-age  and peer-experimentation exceptions exist for youth ages 12-15.

Consent Culture

A society or environment in which obtaining consent and respecting boundaries is the norm, for both sexual contact and everyday activities.

Feminism

The advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.

An intersectional approach to service delivery that acknowledges that the root of sexual violence is power inequality and works to reduce barriers that groups and individuals face when seeking support and volunteer or employment opportunities.

Non-Consensual Photo Sharing

When an intimate photo or video is shared or taken without the voluntary consent (read consent definition above) of the person in the photo or video (Source: savedmonton.com)

Person-First Language

Person-first language recognizes that a person is more than any one experience and that labels are sometimes harmful. People who have experienced sexual violence may use terms like victim or survivor to describe themselves, or they may use words like offender or perpetrator to describe the person who harmed them. Terms that resonate for one person may not fit for another person for a variety of reasons, and SACE supports a person’s right to self-determine their identity and experience. This is why at SACE, we default to person-first language such as “person who experienced sexual assault”, or “person who used abusive behavior”, unless speaking with or about an individual who has identified how they would like their experience to be talked about.

Rape Culture

A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.

Sex Trafficking

Sex trafficking is a form of sexual exploitation. Human trafficking for the purposes of sexual exploitation is a crime and Canada has specific legislation in the Criminal Code (S. 279) and in the IRPA (Immigrant and Refugee Protection Action) (S. 117 & 118) to address all types of human trafficking (sexual exploitation, labour exploitation, organ, debt servitude) There are three elements to constitute human trafficking: Action + Means + Purpose.

Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse is most often used to refer to Child Sexual Abuse. To learn more about this, read the definition above or our section on Child Sexual Abuse.

Sexual Assault

Any form of sexual contact without voluntary consent, including unwanted: oral contact (kissing); sexual touching; oral-genital contact; and/or vaginal or anal penetration. 

Sexual Exploitation

Any actual or attempted abuse of a position of vulnerability, differential power, or trust, for sexual purposes, including, but not limited to, profiting monetarily, socially or politically from the sexual exploitation of another.

Sexual Harassment

Any unwanted comment, gesture, or action that is sexual in nature that makes someone feel afraid, embarrassed, uncomfortable or ashamed. The intention of the person doing the action doesn’t matter, it’s the negative impact the action has that makes something sexual harassment.

Sexual Violence

Sexual violence is an umbrella term that refers to any form of non-consensual sexual behavior, including sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sex trafficking, and sexual violence facilitated through technology.

So why aren’t we hearing about older adults’ experiences of sexual abuse?

There are many barriers that may prevent an older adult from coming forward about an experience of sexual abuse:

Fear of losing independence if the person hurting them was charged

Fear they will be disbelieved or blamed for what happened to them

Fear they will get the person hurting them in trouble

Lack of knowledge of their rights when it comes to sexual behaviours

Lack of people they trust in their lives

Another factor that comes into play on this issue is that many of us hold ageist beliefs that make it difficult to recognize when elder sexual abuse is happening. As an example, there’s a common assumption that older adults do not have sexual and/or romantic desires and are therefore not at risk of being sexually abused. In reality, many older adults have healthy and fulfilling sex lives.

Even more importantly, sexual assault is about power and control, not sexual desire. It’s a common myth that sexual assault happens because someone felt “too turned on” and couldn’t control themselves. Sexual assault actually happens because someone wants to have power and control over another person, and they use sexual acts to get that power and control.

How you can help

It can be very hard for people to disclose that they have experienced sexual abuse, whether the abuse happened recently or in the past. It’s common for those who have experienced abuse in their childhood, teenage years, or early adulthood to not talk about these experiences until later in their life. It’s important that people receive a supportive response to a disclosure of sexual abuse no matter when they reach out for help. It’s also important for people to know that it’s never too late to receive support or to heal from abuse.

Listen

Listening without judgement can help people feel comfortable, safe, and supported.

Providing a safe, non-judgemental space for someone to disclose their experience is an essential part of supporting someone’s healing journey.

Validate their feelings; let the person know that they are entitled to their feelings, and that there is no wrong way to feel following an experience of sexual violence.

Ensure that the person disclosing is able to set the tone and pace of the conversation. Allow the person time and space to share as much or as little as they want; silence is okay.

Respect and mimic the language someone uses to talk about their experiences, and avoid labelling their experience as sexual abuse unless this is a term they’ve used first. Canadian laws around consent and sexual violence have changed significantly since the 1980’s. For example, prior to 1984, sexual assault couldn’t happen within a marriage. This is no longer the case, and married couples need to have consent as well. Consequently, it’s possible that older adults might not identify their experiences as sexual abuse, even if they felt uncomfortable or harmed by the behaviour.

Believe

Many people who experience sexual violence worry they will not be believed, and many people who reach out for help following sexual abuse are not met with a supportive response. Not being believed can have very damaging impacts on healing, which is why you should show that you believe the person through both your words and actions. The following statements often have a positive impact:

“I believe you”

“Thank you for telling me”

“I’m sorry this happened to you”

“This was not your fault”

People can respond to traumatic events in ways that might be confusing for supporters. Keep in mind that there is no wrong way for someone to be feeling, or for someone to respond, following an experience of sexual abuse.

As well, even though it is extremely rare for people to lie about sexual violence, it is common for people of all ages to have trouble remembering the details of the abuse. It is so important to believe people when they reach out for help following sexual abuse, even if they do not have clear or complete memories about the abuse.

Be mindful about questions

Here are a few important things to note about asking questions:

Avoid asking too many questions, as this can create overwhelm, or communicate doubt or disbelief

Avoid “why” questions (including “Why have you never told anyone about the abuse?”). Why questions often sound judgmental or accusatory

Only ask questions that are needed to better support the person, or to help identify whether someone is at risk of continued abuse

Respect privacy

When someone experiences sexual abuse their power and autonomy is temporarily taken away; whenever we are supporting someone we want to look for opportunities where this person can have control over their life and their healing.

It’s incredibly important for the person who has experienced abuse to decide who they share the information with, when they share it, and for them to be able to share it in their own words. Be respectful of people’s right to privacy and confidentiality.

Explore options

People of all ages deserve to be supported in an empowering way that centers their voice, experiences, and needs. Respect their autonomy and their ability to make decisions that are right for themselves, even if that means they don’t want to access any resources.

Rather than telling the person what you think they should do following an experience of sexual violence, it is better to explore the options that are available to them. Providing options (rather than advice) is important as it allows the individual to decide what happens next on their healing journey. Some options include:

Accessing counselling or other community support resources

Connecting with friends, family, or work for support

Reporting abuse

If someone is over the age of 18 there is no legal obligation to report known or suspected abuse, unless you know or suspect that an adult who receives publicly funded care or support services is at risk of abuse. If you have questions or concerns about reporting the abuse of an older adult, please contact the Protection for Persons in Care Information and Reporting Line:

Toll free
1.888.357.9339

Phone
780.422.1155

alberta.ca

Other important things to keep in mind about reporting abuse to the police:

In Canada there is no time limit to reporting sexual abuse to the police

If someone does not want to report to the police, or if they reported and it cannot be pursued in court, support is still available, and healing is still possible

Addressing sexual violence in the older adult community starts with acknowledging that it happens. We need to challenge ageist assumptions that prevent us from recognizing potential abuse, promote environments where older adults feel safe to disclose, and, above all else, believe older adults when they come forward about their experiences