At SACE, we believe it is essential to validate the lives of Two-Spirit, trans, non-binary, and gender diverse folks. Proper use of gender identity terms, including pronouns, is a crucial way to show respect, courtesy, and allyship. Including your pronouns in introductions, presentations, email signatures, and meetings can help make more people comfortable with sharing theirs, which allows them to feel seen and heard rather than being misgendered or misrepresented.
According to Merriam-Webster, a pronoun is “any of a small set of words (such as I, she, he, you, it, we, or they) in a language that are used as substitutes for nouns or noun phrases and whose referents are named or understood in the context.”
Language is adaptable and it changes over time. Some of the terms commonly used today are different from those used in the past to describe similar ideas, identities, and experiences. Some people may continue to use terms that are less commonly used now to describe themselves. Others may use different terms entirely. What is important is recognizing and respecting people as individuals, and using the language they feel most comfortable with. Our language and the way we communicate with one another is also influenced by our communities and it grows as we do. Our world is constantly growing and learning more about the people in it – it makes sense that we will learn new words as well. Sometimes people think pronouns and gender identity are brand new in our culture. That is not the case. However: pronouns and gender identity have existed for centuries –we are now aware of more language to talk about it.
If you do not know someone’s pronouns, it is okay to ask. Pronouns are sometimes viewed as a big, scary thing, when people are not used to them. In reality, they can be easy to figure out, especially with practice!
The improper exposure of a child to any sexual contact, activity, or behaviour. This includes all sexual touching, the invitation to touch, exhibitionism, exposure to pornography.
Forcing another individual, through violence, threats (physical or emotional), pressure, deception, guilt, to engage in sexual activities against their will.
A voluntary agreement between 2 or more people to engage in sexual activity. Consent must be clear, informed, voluntary, sober, act and person-specific, ongoing, mutual, active, and come directly from the individuals engaging in the sexual contact. It is impossible to get consent from children, though close-in-age and peer-experimentation exceptions exist for youth ages 12-15.
A society or environment in which obtaining consent and respecting boundaries is the norm, for both sexual contact and everyday activities.
The advocacy of women’s rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes.
An intersectional approach to service delivery that acknowledges that the root of sexual violence is power inequality and works to reduce barriers that groups and individuals face when seeking support and volunteer or employment opportunities.
When an intimate photo or video is shared or taken without the voluntary consent (read consent definition above) of the person in the photo or video (Source: savedmonton.com)
Person-first language recognizes that a person is more than any one experience and that labels are sometimes harmful. People who have experienced sexual violence may use terms like victim or survivor to describe themselves, or they may use words like offender or perpetrator to describe the person who harmed them. Terms that resonate for one person may not fit for another person for a variety of reasons, and SACE supports a person’s right to self-determine their identity and experience. This is why at SACE, we default to person-first language such as “person who experienced sexual assault”, or “person who used abusive behavior”, unless speaking with or about an individual who has identified how they would like their experience to be talked about.
A society or environment whose prevailing social attitudes have the effect of normalizing or trivializing sexual assault and abuse.
Sex trafficking is a form of sexual exploitation. Human trafficking for the purposes of sexual exploitation is a crime and Canada has specific legislation in the Criminal Code (S. 279) and in the IRPA (Immigrant and Refugee Protection Action) (S. 117 & 118) to address all types of human trafficking (sexual exploitation, labour exploitation, organ, debt servitude) There are three elements to constitute human trafficking: Action + Means + Purpose.
Sexual abuse is most often used to refer to Child Sexual Abuse. To learn more about this, read the definition above or our section on Child Sexual Abuse.
Any form of sexual contact without voluntary consent, including unwanted: oral contact (kissing); sexual touching; oral-genital contact; and/or vaginal or anal penetration.
Any actual or attempted abuse of a position of vulnerability, differential power, or trust, for sexual purposes, including, but not limited to, profiting monetarily, socially or politically from the sexual exploitation of another.
Any unwanted comment, gesture, or action that is sexual in nature that makes someone feel afraid, embarrassed, uncomfortable or ashamed. The intention of the person doing the action doesn’t matter, it’s the negative impact the action has that makes something sexual harassment.
Sexual violence is an umbrella term that refers to any form of non-consensual sexual behavior, including sexual assault, sexual abuse, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, sex trafficking, and sexual violence facilitated through technology.
Take a look at Merriam-Webster’s “A Note on the Non-Binary They” below:
Everyone has a responsibility to learn how to address people when we meet them, so let’s talk about it!
People can often hold fears about saying the wrong thing or how to apologize when they use the wrong name or pronouns. Asking for someone’s pronouns can be as simple as “Hello, nice to meet you! What pronouns do you use?”
If we make a mistake and use the wrong name or pronouns, we should address it quickly and then move on.
If it feels appropriate, we can apologize to the person; however, we should keep our apology short and avoid asking for their forgiveness. In situations where someone repeatedly apologizes, it prompts the misgendered person to say, “it’s okay,” when they might not feel it is okay. It’s best practice to apologize quickly, decentre ourselves from the situation, and move on.
It is also important to learn that there are so many different pronouns that exist!
Here are some examples of common pronouns:
*The pronouns “it/its” are a very individual choice and they are not pronouns that everyone is comfortable with. Like the word “queer”, the pronouns “it/its” were often used as derogatory in the past. It’s important to understand that “it/its” pronouns are not a set of pronouns to use when we don’t know someone’s gender identity and we should only use them when asked. People who use “it/its” pronouns deserve the same amount of respect as everyone else.
People may choose to mix their pronouns (e.g.: she/they) or use multiple sets or pronouns (e.g.: he/him and they/them). Sometimes people prefer any pronouns used to address them, while others might not want to be addressed by anything other than their name. It is important to note that what pronouns each person uses is a very individual choice. Each person’s pronouns are what they feel is unique to their own identity, something that deserves respect from everyone.
People can also change their pronouns over time. Many people learn more about their gender identity over time, and their pronouns may reflect this change. For example, someone may use the pronouns she/her, and then later come out as non-binary, and want to use the pronouns “they/them”. Changing pronouns over time is normal and should always be respected!
Respecting people’s pronouns is an important step towards inclusivity that everyone can partake in. Respecting pronouns creates a safe(r) space for the 2SLGBTQ+ community and demonstrates respect for the bodily autonomy of those around us. Unfortunately, three in four LGBQ people will experience a form of sexual violence in Alberta, and trans and non-binary people are two to three times more likely to experience sexual assault. One way we can prevent sexual violence from happening is by challenging any forms of discrimination that we see. Respecting and using people’s pronouns can be a great start.
The last thing we want to remember about pronouns, is that they are a way of identifying someone’s gender identity, not their sexed body or physical appearance. Pronouns do not equal gender. People can also present themselves in ways that do not stereotypically match the pronouns they use. For example, a very masculine-looking person might use she/her pronouns. In this scenario, we know that a person’s pronouns are she/her regardless of their appearance.
